You know what I'm not afraid to finally admit. I love LOVE and I am just now realizing that one day I will have the type of love that I need. The type that I want. The type that I've always wanted. The type that I'm willing to take this crazy and scary solo journey to find.
I've found out so much about myself in the last four months since choosing to leave my husband. I'm WAY stronger than I ever thought I was and I'm willing to do what it takes for what I want. I'm finally ready to push myself and take chances. I'm tired of being safe in life and love. I've been hurt, but I've pushed through and made it to the other side, more than once. So though I know it is hard living in the hurt moments...I've learned that they will pass and better things will arrive.
I think I might have had an epiphany yesterday. I feel like I have woken up to the truth that I need someone to love. In the last four months I've become someone I never thought I could be. A strong woman working towards a career. Pushing herself everyday in everything that I do. The only thing I'm missing is someone special to share that with. Someone who is EXCITED for me. Someone I can be excited for as well. I want to be someone's cheerleader and they mine.
I recently lost touch with my favorite band A Silent Film. Other music came into my life and spoke to me in a way that I needed at the time. Catfish and the Bottleman, James Bay and Dark Waves. But then my boys ASF put out this video. I have listened to it non stop for days now. I realized that it is exactly what I want to hear from someone. Sometimes while listening, it makes me want to cry, sometimes it makes me feel lonely, but mostly it gives me hope.
After that I went back to my favorite of their new songs....and they did it again....
I am excited that the feelings I had when I discovered them two years go are back and but in a completely different context. This journey of mine began and continues with their music. I want the passion I feel from their music to come in the form of somebody who can show that passion for me.
Before you say that I sound like a naive person and that passion fades, I am still passionate about songs that I heard 10-15 years ago. I can hear them again after not hearing them for years and they still spark feelings in me that have lasted.
I'm not writing this for just myself. I’ve been lucky enough to have four other women in my life who just so happen to be in the same boat. They are on this journey with me. Four months in and I am finally becoming a mentor. I can say to one of them…remember where you saw me four months ago? Yes this JUST happened to you…but look at me and see where you will get to. I can prove to them and myself things can change for the better. You can have what you want. It's a scary, but progress can be made and I am living proof of that. I'm so happy to be supporting other women who have supported me through a scary and invigorating life change.
This is my Thousand Mile Race.
{I am forever Figuring Out My Place In Time And Space. Learn and grow with me by reading my other heart felt and often over sharing articles!}
{I am forever Figuring Out My Place In Time And Space. Learn and grow with me by reading my other heart felt and often over sharing articles!}
21 comments:
I'm really loving these personal posts Megan. I know it takes a lot to open up, especially on a place like the internet, but it's fantastic. I know you WILL find that someone, but knowing your true self is half of that battle! <3
I am so happy for you. You've got such a big heart and you're such a genuinely nice person and people like you don't come around often. I am glad to have you in my life even if it's just online and the occasional convention :D
You and your life are the Doctor and big blue box and you just need your companion to come along..but until then, you've got us rad folks - your friends - wanting to take part in all your wibbly wobbly timey wimey things!
GWEN! YOU ARE PURE AMAZEBALLS! I'm gonna screen shot this comment and read it everyday! LOVE YOU girlie!!! xx
LOVE YOU B!!!! So happy you are in my life!! xx
While I love all your blog articles, I really like reading the personal ones. It takes a great amount of strength not to just survive the hard times, but to be so open and honest and talk about them. You seem like such a wonderful, kind, and passionate person - someone down the line is going to be very lucky to be your cheerleader, and have you be theirs!
You are so strong and the fact that you are writing about it makes you so amazing. You will find someone who will be excited for you and as you will be for them. I am cheering for you from over here!! I miss you girlie!!
It takes a lot to open up to everyone like this, thank you for sharing. Sometimes we have to go through these rough spots in life in order to grow and push forward. We can become content with safe, and that's ok, but sometimes safe isn't really what makes us happy. Years ago I found myself in a similar situation. After much soul searching I knew what I had to do. I knew what I wanted from life and that I had to be the one to do it. I felt reborn, and went and got a Phoenix tattooed on my calf to mark the occasion. There have been bumps, there will always be bumps. But you move forward.
I haven't had the pleasure of meeting you in person but from your writing and tweets you seem to be such an amazing person! Keep being you, keep being in love with love, you'll find your cheerleader. In the meantime you have all of us rooting for you. You got this!
Desiree. Congrats on your situation working out the best for you! I am so thankful for your comment, it means the world to me. I love you nerds so much and you make me feel so loved. We got this girl! xx
Usagi, I am so glad to have you as a friend. I WISH we could hang out more. Those few days at SDCC were magical! Thank you for all of your support! xx
Kay. Thank you so much. I didn't realize how much I would enjoy writing these pieces, and they have be come my favorites. Usually something has to happen to inspire me, so I just let that happen and go with the flow. Thank you for your comment it means the world! xx
There is nothing wrong with wanting someone to share things with! Knowing what you want vs. what you think you need is so important.
What a candid and wonderful post! I wish you loads of luck on your journey and I hope you rfind a bloke who is also your best friend who loves to cheer you on ^_^
Thank you so much! That really means a lot to me! And the fact that you said bloke made me smile :) xx
Thank you so much Liz! xx
The secret is to stop looking. The old adage "expect the unexpected" has never been more real when it comes to finding someone. My theory? The universe is not happy if you're content; once you get settled in your place in life, something comes along to mess it up.
I'm still working on my journey, good luck with yours.
Well I am Manc haha! :o)
That sounds about right. It is super hard though! As of late...I do feel content. Time to relax and go with the flow! Cannot wait to read your post! Good luck to you too! xx
So this post is a little old,I only got half way through, before feeling the need to comment, hehe!
I'm not sure how I ended up here, but I am so excited to follow your posts!
I too have left my husband, roughly 2 months ago. Trying to figure who I am and what I want in life, thank you for such an inspiring post!
Cara! Thank you babe! I am so happy you found me! Good luck to you. It is hard! And if you ever need to talk hit me up! xx
Wow, Megan! I have been reading about your journey through several of your blogs and I can relate to much! I too am a Pisces and a very passionate person underneath all the introverted exterior. You often word things the way I would want to say them especially when it comes to what ASF's music has done in me. I have only known their music for the past short 12 days but, even so, I have already realized the same as you: " I want the passion I feel from their music to come in the form of somebody who can show that passion for me." I have longed to remember what real received love feels like and they have reminded me of that feeling. For a long time I have also desired to love someone but have focused on my children alone.
The experience of discovering them has touched me deeply. And yes, they are now my favorite band ever! Because of their music, I not only am rediscovering feelings long forgotten, but have been exploring what I want most out of this precious life. You see, I have been a divorced, single parent for over 15 years with little support. My friends are distant either geographically or emotionally and I was just terminated, for the first time, the day before my first ASF concert/introduction. Life hasn't exactly been kind to me. I feel serendipitous to have found them at this exact lowest point in time. They are truly an inspiration in so many ways. It was as though they used an emotional defibrillator and infused new life into me. I have been writing on a deeper level (like I did long ago), I want to open myself up more to embrace new people, and be happier and healthier in general.
Your words are truly an inspiration as well, especially that last paragraph in this blog. I want to believe that I can find my passion and purpose, find someone to share love and am more hopeful that those "dreams" could become a reality because of others like you. I look forward to learning more from you in the next blogs and absorbing more of your positive outlook! Thank you for taking the time and being willing to share yourself and your talents!
Laura! This is amazing and I am so happy you found ASF and that they are helping you like they did me! They are wonderful musicians and people. I hope you had a lovely time meeting them in person! Thank you so much for you kind words and sharing your journey! Good luck to us both and keep your head up and singing ASF! xx
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