100 Cups Of Coffee: #10

100 Cups Of Coffee is my journey through divorce, dating and self discovery. 

A little background reading and information for you all. My single life journey began a year ago, when I decided to leave my husband. I cannot believe that. It feels like yesterday and forever ago. It feels like I've been alone forever and that I've not had enough time alone.

This was the hardest thing that I've ever done in my life. Telling your best friend you don't want to be with them anymore is heartbreaking for both parties involved. I soon discovered that the heartbreaking wave hit further than I'd ever could imagine.

10. Gotch family apartment. Marina Del Rey, CA. Black coffee, lots of grounds.

Grounds fill my cup of coffee. Ruined. Just like my marriage.

I'm leaving my husband. He thinks I'm coming back. I'm not. I've come this far; there is no turning back.

I roll out of the air mattress in our apartment for the last time and head straight for my morning cup of coffee. It’s been a week of this same routine. My husband and I haven’t been speaking, or even making eye contact. I have finally reached the end of my rope; we all have one. It had been unraveling for years now, and now there are only frayed ends to which I have been clinging.

And now this. My morning coffee, my daily comfort, ruined. Fuck you, coffee maker.

All day and all night, my husband lets the silence hang in the air, not knowing anyway to change my heart. To be honest there isn’t anything he can do. It is too late.

And now I’ve filled my car to the brim with everything I need to start a new life, yet I cannot turn the key. Instead I take a sip of my fresh cup of coffee.

Second time’s a charm, in life and coffee.

I continue to sit, staring at the grey blank wall of my apartment’s parking garage. After many drawn out sips, I buckled my seatbelt, finally my body takes over and I drive away from the only life that I’ve know for fourteen years.

An easy life.

I had to be drug into LA kicking and screaming. And now I am searching every corner of my life to figure out a way to stay in this town that moved my heart to take a chance. If my husband and I had never moved to LA I would still be with him.. I would be as happy as I ever was. But not the true happiness I knew is out there waiting in some corner of this city, this country, this world, daring me to take that leap of faith.

Now I move in with another man, my uncle. I leave the apartment I shared with my husband, and drive straight towards Glendale.  I was lucky enough to be able to move in with my uncle. As my late aunt’s husband. He wasn’t a blood relative, but he stepped up, welcomed me into his home, and made me his daughter, crazy FEELZ and all.

Bring it on.

Drink in more cups HERE!