taking notes after a date 📝

Writing and journaling has always had a special place in my heart. It helps me hold space to reflect and analyze my thoughts in the moment and more importantly, later down the road. This has been extremely helpful dating these past 18 months. Looking back on 2021, there were so many things I read time and time again that I need to move to the fore front of my thinking.

This summer a person I never went on a date with suggested: How To Not Die Alone: The Surprising Science That Will Help You Find Love. I had an epiphany. I love behavioral science. I'm planning on reading it a second time once the Libby app makes it available for my Kindle, but seriously I should just purchase it. LOL I suggest it to everyone navigating dating. 

My favorite takeaway from the book was The Post Date 8. 8 questions to ask yourself after a date.

1. What side of me did they bring out?

2. How did my body feel during the date? Stiff, relaxed or something in-between?

3. Do I feel more energized or de-energized that I did before the date?

4. Is there something about them I’m curious about?

5. Did they make me laugh?

6. Did they make me feel heard?

7. Did I feel attractive in their presence?

8. Did I feel captivated, bored, or something in between?

Along with that, I write out 5 positives about the person and anything special we talked about that want to remember. Here is a great example of one of my summer dates:

34, chemical engineer. Says he does not want kids. Has a german shepard pup. Moved to Denver 10 months ago. Has never been to San Diego or Moab. He likes to do triathlons, he's done 5!

Loves LOTR, Star Wars, Marvel. But has never been to a Comic Con.

He was difficult to read, more reserved in his energy. As the night went on he touched me more, but not a lot. I enjoyed how that felt. I really liked the way that he looked at me.

The Post Date 8

What side of me did they bring out? I was relaxed and could easily be myself. I wasn't trying to impress him.

How did my body feel during the date? Stiff, relaxed or something in-between? My body felt relaxed.

Do I feel more energized or de-energized that I did before the date? Energized

Is there something about them I’m curious about? I am very curious about the quiet and reserved part of him.

Did they make me laugh? Yes

Did they make me feel heard? Yes

Did I feel attractive in their presence? Yes

Did I feel captivated, bored, or something in between? Captivated

5 Things I Like About A

1. He can go with the flow

2. He is good at asking questions and I felt heard

3. He's beautiful and enjoys all the outdoor things

4. It was easy to be myself around him (I didn't wear makeup)

5. He's good to his pupper and was very nice to Simon

Am I thorough or what? LOL But you can see what I mean?! Even before the book I was adding notes to my Google Calendar about the people I was meeting. I care about people and I want to learn and remember things about them. One thing that I've forgotten to keep in mind on those first encounters is how I feel around someone. I ignored that while I was dating blasé and I never want to do that again. Re-reading my notes reminded me of its importance and three other things at the top of my list:

1. Respects my time and boundaries.

2. Has candor and is impeccable with their words.

3. Affectionate without it having to lead to sex, but also good sex.

And all of these can lead back to how my body is feeling around someone. Do I feel respected? Do I feel they are true with their words and do I feel like I am relaxed around them? I've added these + more into my phone notes section as a reminder to carry with me. I'm not going to forget time.